If we are single and confess our desire to meet someone special one day, the most basic or default answer is that we should try.
Good things do not fall from the sky and do not happen by chance. So we have to do our part if we want to love or be excited about someone again. In our time, even finding love seems like work, and dating apps, the digital product specially designed for it, are the marketplace where bodies and perceived tastes or hobbies are exchanged and weighed.
We say it’s work, because you have to find the best approach, the best filter and the best smile if you want to impress someone. In any case naturalness does not prevail, with some exceptions. In this type of platform, the more tricks, the more unforgettable plans, and the more optimistic the nature of life, the more points. Without forgetting the classics that never fail and that increase the level of interest and, with it, the chances to meet: petting a pet or seeming to play an instrument.
“There are many options and we need to know that more matches do not translate into more real connections. »
However, in the end, success is not guaranteed. Even if everything seems fine, you meet someone interesting and start dating? There are details that come between you that may come from the fact that you met through an app. On the other hand, the use of these platforms arouses a lot of frustration, because in the end it is only effective if one chooses the paid version. In the meantime, the algorithm will never benefit you, keeping you behind a long list of suitors who, like you, are looking for the next love of their life.
Obviously, there are several features that make dating apps an unsuitable land for love, and many of them have nothing to do with the mechanics that govern such software, but appear in other ways to meet or get along with other people. For example, ghosting, which refers to the sudden disappearance of a person without explanation. There is also breadcrumbing, which is the kind of relationship where one person is there for another to some degree; when things become serious or there is an opportunity to show loyalty and commitment, they run in fear, but then return to where they started with the idea of not letting go. This can be directly translated as “throwing bread crumbs” which doesn’t really lead anywhere.
These wonders, even if they seem more modern because of the English names they have become popular in recent years, have always been with us. More than one of us will leave someone a letter stuck on the refrigerator. Or, directly, they went to get cigarettes and never came back. Someone you never see again. Or maybe you have a lost flirt that you’ve never met, but have always had. Tinder and other tools have made it illegal to openly flirt with someone. Before these platforms became more democratic, singles were judged to meet in person, which many people wanted, but having a profile on these networks was seen as something negative or a gesture of desperation. On the other hand, the person who is alone and has no one is unique.
Too many offers, not enough success
One of the aspects that changed the use of these platforms is the fact that there are many options. Without matchmaking apps, the framework for deciding who to flirt with or get to know better is pretty narrow: unless you’re famous or have a lot of social connections, one, two or three people you like. However, with networks like Tinder or Bumble, the options can be almost endless, especially if you live in a big city. People living in less populated areas may be tired of seeing the same profiles over and over again while swiping on their mobile screen, but the truth is that by increasing the distance, measured in kilometers, you can expand your field of vision.
“If you’re looking for a partner, it’s best to meet your pen pals and check your connection in the real world.”
This is what Mark Travers, an American psychologist from Cornell University, who in an article in Psychology Today lists some of the negative characteristics of using a dating app that changes the codes of flirting and, in in general, in human relations. ” There are so many options“, he believed,” and we must realize that many matches do not translate into more real connections. In other words, there are probably many people who are logically compatible with you, but when you meet in person, the spark does not come, or worse, you are dismissed immediately, before you can relate. personally. »
On the other hand, Travers mentions the interested nature of these programs. After all, like any private business, they are always looking to make as much profit as possible, and you know that ” if there is free, the product is you“. ” You must understand that there is a conflict of interest between you and the applications“, he said. ” Your main motivation is to find excitement, flirting, or even a long-term relationship. And, on the business side, to increase the number of users as well as the time to use and sell their paid services“.
So don’t take it too seriously, but don’t rule out using it either. Maybe you won’t find the love of your life in these apps or…maybe you will? Maybe you? Who knows? There are many well-known testimonies of people who have found love through these tools. The truth is that, as Mr. Travers, “ if you’re looking for a mate, it’s best to meet their pen pals and test your connection in the real world“, instead of having a large collection of entities on your phone who share things with you, but with whom there is no real and genuine contact.